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Processing

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After days of processing, this morning took a turn to the therapeutic. A ‘friend’ got it started by posting:

“WE are one and need to pull together as one Nation, under God, indivisible, proud of our freedom of choice as well as freedom of speech. Only WE can make it happen and only WE will make it happen.”

The friend posted his message while sharing a photo (see above) that I’d posted to my timeline.

This friend and I have a history. Years ago, he lived in my house as an exchange student. Years later, I heard him call my partner a nigger. These days, we coast on fumes of childhood closeness and put up with each other’s political postings every four years. 

Seeing this same Trump-supporting friend touting our need to ‘pull together under God’ [I’m atheist],.. while using my silence and the image I’d provided to support his holier message of inclusion,.. he let the therapy in. The affront provided a connection for me between words and wounds:

'Betrayed' is the word that keeps coming to mind. I 'want' to direct that word externally... statistically, how could so many of my friends support a man like Trump? Hearing him spew hatred & divisiveness, lies & shallow thinking... how can you run toward it and say, "I want more, let's spread that around"?

These 'friends',.. I think about their apparent lack of empathy. Have they never felt out of favor based on beliefs, skin color, origin or cellular makeup? Have they not feared for their own or others' safety or felt objectified by belief systems around them? Do you think it's okay now to disregard the rising fears over Donald Trump's campaign promises of institutionalized recidivism? How can you not see the great irony in telling us to "pull together under one god"?

The internal betrayal is that I didn't see who surrounded me. I assumed more character and reasoning, thoughtfulness and cognizance. Who can I trust?

 Largely, my words were felt by kindreds. There was one friend who engaged:

Seriously?!?! We've been friends since we were 5 years old. You know what kind of person I am. It's hurtful that you are judging me so harshly because our opinions differ. I honor and respect your opinions, your beliefs. It saddens me that you cannot do the same.”

Having seen months of hateful political messages come through her timeline, it felt okay to respond:

To be clear, I respect your right to vote; however, I don't respect your vote. This is not a "difference in opinion" since it goes beyond beliefs about healthcare or tax rates. 

Who do you respect who's supported Trump? I see a long list of Republican
s who say he's dangerous. The five living presidents and the Pope speak against having Trump as president. He is known for feeding on the prejudices of his followers. Trump has disrespected POW's, people with disabilities and women. He mocks, taunts and threatens individuals, classes of people and countries. Trump carries the hallmark of a classic narcissist. In a position of power, that associated lack of accountability is dangerous and frightening. Assuming Trump reigned himself in to get elected, how will he act as president? 

Where is the dividing line that separates you from the controversial beliefs of your candidate? I get you don't see yourself as a racist, misogynistic or xenophobic human. But you voted for someone who's been outspoken in his convictions while spouting hatred and divisiveness. As an outsider to your mindset, I wonder what does Trump provide that outweighs devaluation of equality and fairness?

The story doesn’t end with a dramatic conclusion. Ultimately, opinions were not changed on either side. I feel relief at having expressed my feelings and some concern at the possible loss of an old friendship(s). Normally, that doesn’t hit me so hard…. However, this week, I’ve felt the loss of my country and am fearful over the future. And so I’m ready to put down my poker and recede back into silence. For now, anyway….

Ginger kitten, Tom, 10 weeks old, leaping with arms outstretched
a kitten for soul bleach

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